Teaching your Child Obedience with the Help of your Catholic Faith

By Lorene Hanley Duquin

Obedience is not something that comes naturally to children. From the first time your toddler screams, “No,” throughout the everyday challenges of childhood, and into the tensions of the teenage years, parents have the responsibility of instilling into their children the virtue of obedience. The technique you use to do this is called discipline.

It’s not uncommon for parents to associate the word discipline with punishment. But the true meaning of the word "discipline" comes from the Latin disciplinare, which means "to teach." When you discipline your children, you teach them to obey certain rules and moral standards that keep them safe, happy, healthy, and holy.

If you’re looking for a good example of how to teach your child obedience, think about the Holy Family. Mary and Joseph were models of obedience in their own lives. Our Lady submitted herself to the will of God when she told the angel, “Be it done unto me according to your word” (Luke 1:38). St. Joseph followed the instructions he received in dreams when he took Mary as his wife, and when he protected the little family from harm by taking them to Egypt (Mt. 1:20-25; Mt. 2:13-15). Their example of obedience to God served as a foundation for their lives. "And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men" (Luke 2:52).

Jesus became the kind of adult that we would like our children to become. He prayed. He told the truth. He stood up for what was right. He inspired others by modeling the behavior that he wanted his disciples to follow. He followed the will of God.

How obedient are you? What kind of example do you set for your children? It doesn’t take long for children to see discrepancies between what you say and what you do.

Do you teach your child to obey traffic signals, but roll through stop signs?
Do you expect your child to control his or her temper, but lose your temper when something goes wrong?
Do you expect your child to respect other people’s property, but bring home supplies or equipment from work that rightfully belongs to your employer?
Do you tell your child to follow the rules, and make excuses for the times when you break a rule for your own convenience?
Do you teach your child to tell the truth, but exaggerate to make a story more dramatic or tell little white lies to avoid doing something that you don’t want to do?
Do you teach your child to pray, but never take time to pray yourself?
Do you tell your child that it is important to go to Mass, and then complain about the priest, the length of the homily or the other people in church?
Do you tell your child not to use profanity, but find yourself taking the Lord’s name in vain when you’re upset or angry?
Do you teach your child to be nice to everyone, and then hold grudges against neighbors or co-workers?
Do you teach your child to respect authority, and then complain about your boss, your pastor, the police, or the elected officials in your community?
Do you tell your child that it’s wrong to cheat, but then find ways to justify cheating on your business expenses or your income tax?
Do you teach your child the importance of following through on what you say you’re going to do, and then fail to keep your promises?

Chances are you’ve recognized yourself in one or more of these questions. Don’t despair! No one is perfect. But it’s important to recognize that you can be better! The first step toward being better is to think about the importance of obedience in your life and in the life of your child. Ask God to help you, “for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.” (Philippians 2:13)