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Encourage children to join activities that interest them By Karen H. Whiting
Children feel they belong when they have others who care about them, accept them, and share interests. It helps develop a sense of community. Friends are bully insurance; they stick up for one another. But it can take a while to make new friends.
Mother Teresa wrote, “People who love each other are the fullest and happiest people in the world.” As a parent you desire the rich experience of friendships for your child.
You can help your child learn how to make and be a good friend as he goes through the school year.
Elementary
Make friendship cards with your child that includes a phone number and email address.
Friendship Cards
On the computer print cards you can fold. Use one part for your child’s name and contact information. Also add a short list of favorites (color, game, sport, book, activity, and favorite place to eat). On the other half ask for information to be filled in. Include name, contact information, and list of favorites. The new friend can fill out that part, tear it off, and return it. Add a fun cover with a cartoon clip art or a silly riddle, such as What did one rock say to the other? Let’s roll around together!
Pray over each returned card with your child. Encourage your child to contact the new friend and invite him or her to participate in one of the favorite activities listed, especially if there is a common favorite.
Here’s a site to print greeting cards where you choose the design and what to say: ivyjoy.com.
Encourage your child to pass the cards to kids they want as friends.
Encourage him or her to give them to kids they want as friends (kids who are friendly, polite, good listeners, and not bullies).
How do you help your child choose good friends?
Talk about the kids you see in the neighborhood, at school, and at various activities. Which ones seem to possess good friendship qualities? Is there anyone who seems to also need a friend? Have they met and new kids? Is anyone a bully to avoid?
List qualities of a good friend, such as being a good listener, kindness, compassion, fun loving, and sharing values and interests.
Have your child talk about the qualities they have to be a good friend, such as being a good listener, a good sport, a sense of humor, and a sharing heart.
And pray for good friends!
How can children cope with a bully?
Discuss how to avoid problem kids, especially bullies. Friends will give your child support and keep you son or daughter from being alone so bullies are less likely to target them. If they are new and have not made friends they can still protect themselves. A child being bullied is a victim. Don’t try to get the children to sit down and mediate as the victim will still be reacting in fear and the bully will still be trying to gain control.
Let the Mass guide you in helping your child:
Gathering together is a reminder that we are part of a big family of people who care about us and want to love as Christ loves.
Mass opens with the penitential rite. This is a time to ask for our sins of anger to be forgiven. Use it to forgive those who hurt us. Let it remind you to ask for God’s mercy, for his help in our time of trouble.
Consecration recalls how Jesus suffered. He was teased and hurt. His friends ran away. He understands our pain.
The Our Father reminds us again to forgive others. It also shows us to pray for God to deliver us from evil. He can do it!
Eucharist is food for our soul to give us strength.
Remember God’s word we hear at Mass:
For more information check out:
http://www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov
http://www.bullypolice.org/
Bully Stats from the KidsHealth Poll Out of 1200 9-13 year old kids, 48% said “I’ve been bullied.” That’s 576 or almost 5 out of every 12 children. 42% admitted, “I’ve bullied someone.” That’s 504 or a little over 4 out of every 12 children.
Greetings and Friendship Starters
Talk about how to greet someone. Suggest that the first times your child sees someone to smile, exchange names, and ask a few polite questions. He can also pay a compliment or ask the other kid what he likes to do. If they find a common interest they will probably keep talking.
The next few times say hello and chat a little more. Ask a few other questions. Tell a joke. Then take a deep breath and ask, “Would you like to get together? You can come to my house or we could go to a park and play.” (Or fill in a different activity).
If it still seems hard for your child to make friends, chat about past friends and what they talked about. Remind them that other kids may enjoy the same topics as their other friends.
Remind your child that once he starts to do things with a new friend talking will be easier!
Middle School
Plan a get acquainted party and have your child invite a few kids they have met. Order pizza or make simple snacks and setup some games to play, such as a scavenger hunt.
Party Time
Friends, games, and food make a party fun! Let your child email invites or hand out index cards with the party time, address, and phone number. Let your child choose his or her favorite foods to serve.
Plan activities that involve talking or playing, rather than watching a video. The goal is to interact to build friendships. Outdoor sports, indoor games of twister, board games, or electronic games will work. If you expect several kids to come, think of team games, such as charades or a trivia game.
Give them a notepad for writing down names and phone numbers of new friends.
Contact List
Record the information about your child’s new friends. You will want their address and contact information in the event they go to an activity together and you need to get in touch. Keep the contacts where your child can see and use them. This will remind your youngster to follow through with a call.
Encourage your child to accept any offer of friendship, such as an offer to sit with someone at lunch, team with someone on a school project, or attend a school activity together.
Come up with friendship making questions for your child, such as “I like your clothes, where do you shop? What’s your favorite place to eat at in town? Can you help me with one of the math problems?”
Encourage them to join activities that interest them where they could meet kids with similar interests, such as youth group, school clubs, scouts or sports.
Making Connections
Brainstorm ideas and try out the ones that seem easy. Check out your local library and chamber of commerce to find local youth organizations. If one attempt doesn’t work, try something else.
If no one seems to notice your child, suggest that he pay a compliment and follow it with a question, “I noticed we’re in the same English class. What’s the teacher like?”
Once you join an activity or accept an invitation to sit with someone at lunch be ready to chat. Find out about the other person and what they like to do. Listen for common interests. Then build on what you have learned as you talk.
Recommended Resources
It's So Much Work to Be Your Friend: Helping the Child with Learning Disabilities Find Social Success by Richard Lavoie, Touchstone
How to Be a Friend: A Guide to Making Friends and Keeping Them (Dino Life Guides for Families) by Laurie Krasny Brown, Marc Brown (grades k-3)
The Christian Girl's Guide to Friendship! by Kathy Widenhouse, Legacy Press, ages 9-12
A Good Friend: How to Make One, How to Be One (Boys Town Teens and Relationships, V. 1) by Ron Herron, Boys Town Press, Brown Little, boys 10+
Making Choices And Making Friends: The Social Competencies Assets (Adding Asset Series for Kids) by Pamela Espeland, Elizabeth Verdick, Free Spirit Publishing ages 9-12
Making Friends (Courteous Kids) by Janine Amos, Annabel Spenceley, Gareth Stevens Publishing, 32 pages, ages 4-8
Keeping School Cool!: A Kid’s Guide to Handling School Problems, by Michaelene Mundy, Abbey Press, ages 4-9
Learning to be a Good Friend: A Guidebook for Kids, by Christine A. Adams, Abbey Press, ages 4-9
Bye-Bye, Bully!: A Kid’s Guide for Dealing with Bullies, by J.S. Jackson, Abbey Press, ages 4-9
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