Tips for Your Parish

When Bad Things Happen

By Lorene Duquin

When something bad happens to a family, a catechist is often one of the first to find out. A grandparent dies. Parents divorce. Someone is sick or injured.  Whether it’s the parent who tells you or the child in your class, you may not know what to say or do. Here are four simple questions you can ask that will help you deal with the situation in a faith-filled way.

•  What happened? When something bad happens, people struggle with shock and disbelief.  It is only by telling the story that an adult or a child can come to grips with what happened.  The best gift you can give is to listen. 
•  How are you doing?  Bad things evoke emotional responses. You can’t stop the pain. But you can be present in an empathetic and non-judgmental way. The best gift you can give is to allow the person to cry. 
•  What can I do to help? Questions about God, life after death, right and wrong, good and evil surface when something bad happens. Some questions you will be able to answer; others have no answer. The best gift you can give when faced with unanswerable questions is to pray with the person and to promise to keep the family in your prayers.
•  What are you going to do?   People may not know what to do. They may need to talk about alternatives. You might want to refer the family to an understanding priest or professional person who can help them through this crisis. The best gift you can give is to offer a sense of hope that God will carry them through this.

 It’s not easy. But what you do in difficult situations may be the most important lesson in faith, hope and love that you will ever teach.

Lorene Duquin is the author of How Can I Help, A Catholic Response to Disasters.  Click here to order.