Teaching Teens

Presence is Paramount

By Kelley Renz, M.A.

A youth minister was struggling with her group of teens and asked me to join her for one of their meetings. I spotted her problem immediately. She did not lead. Her presence was passive, she let the kids do whatever they wanted. If she had a message in mind, it was never relayed. She cared for these kids, I knew. She had good ideas to pass on, sound advice for them to follow. Yet, her lack of a presence kept her from sharing her ideas, her advice, herself with her teens.

Effective youth ministers are very aware of “presence.” You know when they walk into a room: they are bright, positive, lively, engaging. They are confident in themselves. They sincerely like young people. And all this is conveyed immediately in their demeanor.

How to grow this “presence” if you don’t already have it? Practice. Practice. Practice.

Teen Ministry Mantras:

1.  Let teens know that you like and accept them (look at them, smile, do not fold arms across your chest, smile, greet them right away, be happy, be positive, be relaxed, oh, and smile!).

2. Get to know them. Don’t be intrusive, but know who they are, what they like and don’t like, who their families are – ice breakers can be wonderful for gathering this type of information!

3. Don’t feel that you must defend Truth, Church, Self, Country, or anything else. Teens are incredibly fickle and their opinions can change in a heartbeat. Institutions and Truth will be just fine.

4. Leave yourself at the door. Don’t take offense. They don’t know you. They can’t appreciate all you have to offer. They are incredibly stuck on themselves right now. That too shall pass. God is using you to speak to them. Be a great presence for Him.

5. Be trustworthy. Don’t go telling others what was said in your youth group meetings. Of course, if any abuse or dangerous behavior/words are shared, you have an obligation to take those to appropriate adults, but other than this, handle your sharing with integrity.

Lots more to know, of course, in your ministry with teens, but keep the mantras in mind as you practice your way into a wonderful “presence”!

 Kelley Renz has been working with young people for over twenty years. She is the author of God Listens to Our Children: Kids’ Prayers for Every Day of the Liturgical Year published by Our Sunday Visitor. Email questions to Kelley at krenz@osv.com.