Elementary Education: May 2009

The “Spoils” of Victory

How to Be a Good Winner

By Joseph D. White, Ph.D.

Many lessons about life can be learned through sports, including teamwork, perseverance toward a goal and conflict resolution. One thing we often try to teach is good sportsmanship. When our children lose a game, or when the other team scores, we remind them to be polite and courteous, learn from mistakes and congratulate others. Another important lesson — one that may be overlooked at times — is how to be a good winner.

We’ve all been around people who succeed and want everyone to know about it — those who seem to think they are better than everyone else, or need continuous affirmation from others. They may flaunt their victories, or throw them in others’ faces. Then, when others have had all they can stand, they ask, “Why does everybody hate me?”

While we want children to feel good about their successes, we don’t want them to become impossible to live with. Patience and self-control, characteristics of humility, are fruits of the Holy Spirit (see Gal 5:22). How can we help children see victories in the appropriate light, and become “good winners”? Here are a few tips:

• Remind them that all we have comes from God. We are sons and daughters of our Creator, and that’s something to feel good about, but it can also keep us humble. We need to remember that our talents and abilities — even those potentials we have fostered through hard work — are given to us by God. And God gives us our talents for a purpose – not so we can brag about them to others, but so we can glorify Him. Encourage your child to thank God for his or her victories and to ask for guidance about how to bring glory to God through this ability.
• Ask your child to name the strengths of his or her “opponents.” A good winner congratulates others on a game well-played. Encourage your child to note what others do well and offer them genuine compliments — for example, “Your great pitching really challenged us on the field today.” Explain to your child that while he or she may be very excited about winning, a child who lost may be feeling sad. Ask your child to give some encouragement to that child, which also shows he or she can win with grace.
• Avoid focusing too much on your child’s accomplishments. Parents who talk nonstop about their child is doing are not modeling humility. It’s OK to feel proud, and even to show it in front of your child, but don’t overdo it. Show genuine interest in the families of others and your child will learn to follow your example.
•  Encourage your child to celebrate and then to move on. It’s never attractive to see a middle-aged person still basking in the glory of his high school football days. A victory is cause for celebration, but it doesn’t mean we have arrived. Ask your child where God is calling him or her to grow next. What goal would your child like to set for his or her next accomplishment? Where could he or she improve and do even better next time?

Teachable Moment: Winning isn’t everything, but it sure is nice once in a while. May all your child’s victories be sweet – both for your child and for others.

Take a moment to remind your child that every member of the team counts in a special way. Some kids get more playing time than others, and it important to learn that whether you’re the “star” player or on the backup squad, God has given each of us our own unique talents and gifts.

Taken from the Easter/April issue of Take Out: Family Faith on the Go.