Interview

Heeding God's call to care for his people

It is important to remember his presence amid the everyday appointments and tasks

Family caregiving is a hot topic these days, and many books offer good advice. Precious few, unfortunately, say anything about the spiritual side of being a caregiver.

That's why when Monica Dodds wrote "A Catholic Guide to Caring for Your Aging Parents" (Loyola Press, $14.95), she gave this "missing piece" the attention it deserves with chapters on "The Spirituality of Caregiving," "Spiritual Matters" and "The Church and Dying." Now, together with her husband, Bill, she shares her expertise in presentations and through the Friends of St. John the Caregiver.

Here they talk to OSV about the often hidden spiritual needs of both caregiver and care receiver.

Our Sunday Visitor: In what sense is caregiving a vocation?

Monica Dodds: Caregivers often seem to just fall into the role. In reality, it's a call from God, asking us to take care of someone he loves. It is a conscious decision, and we can say yes, I'm going to accept this vocation from God, I'm going to do this as a service. When we see it that way, we can know God is not going to leave us alone in this sometimes-overwhelming task.

OSV: Why do you say an awareness of God's presence is "the most powerful support" a caregiver has?

Monica: Caregivers can feel isolated. But being aware that God is with us as we sit in the doctor's office or wake up scared at night gives us an instant support right in the thick of things. We suggest caregivers come up with something that reminds them of God -- a crucifix, a rosary, a holy card on the refrigerator -- that they can spot in the chaos. When we remember God is present, nothing seems overwhelming.

OSV: How can caregivers find time to pray when their day-to-day duties keep them so incredibly busy?

Bill Dodds: I talked to a woman whose husband had died of cancer after about 20 months. She was an active Catholic, deeply religious, but sometimes she was just too tired, too distraught to find the words to pray. It's helpful to point out to caregivers who feel bad about not praying or going to Mass as often as they'd like that their action, their service, is a form of prayer. In helping the care-receiver, they're fulfilling what Jesus said in Matthew 25, "Whatever you did for the least of these, you did for me." Visiting the sick, dressing the naked, feeding the hungry -- these are powerful prayers in action.

Monica: For people who haven't prayed in the past, it may help to look at prayer as a very personal conversation with God rather than only in terms of formal, traditional prayers. Also, being aware prayer can be all the time, any time, right here, right now, chatting with God.

OSV: What about praying with the care-receiver?

Monica: That depends on what the caregiver and care-receiver are comfortable with, but it's a bad idea to assume that one or the other doesn't want to pray. If care-receivers want to pray, I think it's wonderful if they introduce the idea: "Can you just pray with me for a minute?" Praying together may seem foreign at first, but with the Holy Spirit involved, very quickly it can become comfortable and be comforting to both the caregiver and care-receiver.

Bill: It's not unusual for someone to refuse at first, think about it for a week, then say, "You mentioned reading a psalm. Maybe we should do that." The same may be true when we ask if the person would like someone from the parish to bring Communion or a priest to celebrate the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Or, harder still, when we say, "Would you like father to come for the anointing of the sick?" On that one we have to be prepared to explain why people don't have to be on their deathbeds anymore to receive the sacrament.

OSV: What is the Friends of St. John the Caregiver? How does it help caregivers?

Monica: It's an international Catholic organization that promotes care for family caregivers. We named it after St. John, whom Jesus entrusted with the care of his Blessed Mother.

We don't have dues or meetings, but each member makes a commitment to pray for caregivers and care-receivers.

After our presentations, caregivers will tell me the most heart-wrenching stories. I can't do a whole lot for them, but I'll say, "The Friends of St. John the Caregiver are praying for you." Later I'll sometimes hear that knowing our members were praying for them got them through a particularly challenging moment.

Bill: Praying is the foundation, but we also have resources for caregivers at YourAging Parent.com and resources for parishes and dioceses at Catholic Caregivers.com; there is no charge for anything.

Contact information

Friends of St. John the Caregiver: To join, visit www.fsjc.org. For a free copy of The Little Book of Caregiver Prayers, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to Friends of St. John the Caregiver, P.O. Box 320, Mountlake Terrace, WA 98043.

Your Aging Parent: Adult children who are serving as caregivers to their elderly parents can find spirituality, information and resources at www.youragingparent.com.

Catholic Caregivers: This site offers materials and resources at www.catholiccaregivers.com.

Heavenly help for caregivers

While patron saints exist for everything from snake handlers to bomb technicians, no official patron has been assigned to caregivers. Here are a few besides St. John the Evangelist who might qualify:

Monica and Bill Dodds are the editors of My Daily Visitor and authors of "Encyclopedia of Mary" (OSV, $24.95).