Catechists Know How, December 2006

Helping the Fearful or Withdrawn Child

by Joseph D. White, Ph.D., and Ana Arista White

Four-year-old Katherine stands at the door of her new religious education classroom. She clings tightly to her mother’s leg and looks teary-eyed. Her mother strokes her hair and offers reassurances that she will have a good time, but Katherine clutches her mother even tighter and says she does not want to go. What is the catechist to do?

Helping children who are reluctant to separate from their parents or interact with their peers is an important part of helping each child feel welcome in our classrooms. There are a number of ways catechists can help to set these children at ease.

Communicate warmth and enthusiasm. Just as we feel more comfortable in new situations when we are greeted with a friendly face, children also are more likely to engage in an activity if they are greeted by name and with a smile. When a new child arrives in the doorway to your classroom, walk over to him or her, get down on the child’s eye level, and offer a smile and kind “hello.” Let each child know how happy you are that he or she is in the class, and how excited you are about the activities planned. In doing so, you can serve as a bridge for the child over the sometimes huge chasm between the security of a parent and the excitement of the classroom.

Reflect the child’s feelings. If a child is obviously nervous about coming into the class, it may reassure him or her to know that you see and appreciate how he or she is feeling. While you are in the doorway talking with the child, acknowledge his or her feelings by saying, “It looks like you are a little worried to come into this new class. Sometimes it feels a little scary to come to a new room and meet new friends and teachers.” Let the child know that these feelings are natural and “okay.” In doing so, you send the message that you will be sensitive to the child, and this can be an important first step toward establishing trust.

Invite the child to explore the classroom. The transition into a new room is sometimes made easier if children are invited to look around the classroom and explore while their parents are still present. Many religious education programs use classrooms that are shared for multiple purposes, but hopefully you will at least have been able to decorate your “corner” of the room with brightly colored pictures and perhaps an attendance chart. Placing some of the materials for the day’s class session out on a table or in another place that is highly visible to the children may also serve to build enthusiasm. You can encourage exploration with a question such as “Would you like to look around and see what is here?” Some children may feel more comfortable if they are allowed to explore the room with their parents and see that they are coming into a safe place.

Reassure the parents. Many children with separation anxiety have parents who also show anxious behaviors when bringing their children to a new place. This is natural, as we tend to behave protectively toward children who are showing signs of fear. Even so, research tells us that excessive reassurances and other types of protective behavior can make children feel more fearful because these behaviors send the message that perhaps there is something to worry about. Some parents may need reassurances that the catechist will attend to the child’s feelings and be comfortable handling the situation. If a parent appears to be reinforcing the child’s anxiety, you may wish to say, “I’ll take it from here. She is a little nervous about being in a new place, but I’m sure she will do fine when she sees the fun activities we have planned.”

Encourage the use of a transitional object, if necessary. If children continue to appear fearful after their parents are gone, it may be helpful to encourage parents to give their children an object to hold that reminds them of the parents in their absence. For example, a child may wish to carry a photograph of Mom or Dad, or wear a necklace or bracelet belonging to one of the parents. In this way, the child can feel that a part of Mom or Dad is with him or her while in the classroom.

Provide opportunities for partner or small-group work. Children who are too shy to speak in a large group may feel more comfortable working in groups of two or three. Getting to know one or two other children in the classroom may help a child “branch out” and talk with others as well.

Stay busy. Research tells us that distraction is one of the most effective tools for dealing with children’s anxiety. Stay attuned to the pace of classroom activities, and work to ensure that anxious children stay busy so that they will have less time to focus on missing Mom or Dad. Remember, time flies when you are having fun!

— From Catechists for All Children, by Joseph D. White, Ph.D., and Ana Arista White (Our Sunday Visitor)