Catechist Know-How August 2007

Children in Crisis

By Mary Lou Rosien

This past year I discovered that some of my students were suffering significant crisis in their families. One had lost a grandparent, another had a family member on trial for a horrific crime, still another’s parents were in the middle of a divorce.

As catechists we have a dual role in our faith formation classrooms. We teach, yes, but we also listen and provide support to our students and their families.

We must tread carefully in the murky waters of being involved in some one else’s life. We must have compassion and love for our students and yet not overstep our boundaries.

When a child confides a serious crisis to us, there are certain guidelines that would be helpful to consider:

1. Listen to the child. It is not appropriate to judge them, or to tell them their feelings about any situation are wrong. It is appropriate to help them find the strength to explain what they want to say and help them to get assistance if needed.
2. Ask the child what they would like you to do. Do they just want someone to talk to? Do they feel the need to take some action? (Children often don't realize the services that are available to them, such as: grief counseling, rehab, support services.) Would they like to pray with you?
3. Never promise not to tell anyone else. I have a rule for my own children and their friends, “You can tell me anything, but if I think you are in trouble, I will seek out the right people to help you.” If a child confides a serious threat such as: abuse in the home, suicidal thoughts, drug use, etc. we have a moral and ethical obligation to try to get help for that child.
4. Pray. Whether you can pray with the child, or for the child, prayer can move mountains and bring peace.
5. Don’t be afraid to talk to the child. If the child has had the courage to reach out to you, you must find the courage to listen and dialogue with them. As my class went on last year, the students gained trust in me and in one another. As we went around the room praying for our intentions, they slowly opened up, each sharing more and more personal information. Then they began to actively pray for one another and ask one another how they were holding up. It was amazing to watch them become transformed individually and as a group as that trust grew.
6. Ask permission. If one child’s struggle may be helpful to the group as a whole, ask permission from that child before sharing a confidence with the group. Some children are willing to share private matters, others are not.
7. Share Sacred Scripture. Particular Bible verses can bring much comfort during difficult times. One I like is,
   “Surely God is my helper; the Lord is the upholder of my life. For he has delivered me from every trouble, and my eye has looked in triumph on my enemies. Psalm 54:4,7 (Be sure to tell children that our “enemies” aren’t necessarily people but circumstances and sicknesses and situations that are negative.)
8. Don’t forget the families. The mom of one of my students was really struggling with faith issues during her daughter’s crisis. By listening and assuring her of God’s love, she felt confident about returning to Mass and becoming an active participant in her child’s faith formation. We are blessed to have the ability and opportunity to reach out to more than just our students. We must ask the Holy Spirit to give us the words that will encourage and heal and then not be afraid to speak them.

*We have a moral responsibility to assist children to seek help. If you have a concern about an abuse issue, you should first discuss it with the faith formation director at your parish and then talk to the appropriate person at your diocese. 

Mary Lou Rosien has experience crisis management as a former hospital social worker and mom of seven children. She is the author of Managing Stress with the Help of your Catholic Faith (OSV Publishing).